Apparently "Be Kind" messaging sets me off these days
I'm sorry for including an unseasonal Ellen DeGeneres reference.
I was patiently waiting in line at a coffee shop when I noticed a massive wall decal looming in my peripheral vision:
~It costs $0.00 to be kind~
As a normal person who doesn’t presume basic human decency to have monetary value or relevancy to the transaction about to occur, I was unsure what to do with the information. I approached the barista to pay—turns out it unfortunately does cost $4.75 plus tip for watered down cold brew— and saw a display of enamel pins for sale next to the register. There was only one design for sale. “BE KIND” the chorus of cutesy merch harmonized.
I released a Meryl Streep Big Little Lies scream and left the establishment.
Back on the street, my head was spinning. It was just harmless feel-good sentiment, so why was this suggestion of kindness creating such a slurry of ANTI-KIND feelings inside of me?
Maybe it’s the delivery. Has this suggestion to “Be Kind” ever been uttered out loud by anyone? Or has it only been communicated via a t-shirt, coffee mug, refrigerator magnet, or that Instagram handle of the guy who got famous from "balloon art"?
Maybe it’s because there’s a specific arrogance in the “Be Kind” messengers. The paraphernalia slingers. The person on the other side of the ~Kindness is Contagious~ tote bag feels absolved from any further responsibility to humanity simply by making this Etsy purchase.
Maybe it’s because “Be Kind” is not rooted in anything, really. There’s no risk. There’s no reward. It has no accountability. It is a desperate but muted attempt to make us feel like we are good as we do the bare minimum.
The human compulsion to use motivational quote as a tincture to ward off the reality that we as individuals are not in control, has endured a whirlwind of a journey over the last fifteen years.
The largest cosmic shift can be traced back to the year 2006 when Rhonda Byrne made an indie documentary, The Secret, which touted the practice of actively visualizing our success through positive affirmation as means to manifesting our dreams. This caught the attention of the major player talk show hosts at the time, such as Larry King, Oprah, and Ellen DeGeneres (I’ll come back to her btw). As the buzz grew, Byrne quickly followed up her film with a global best-selling book—also titled The Secret—and completed her infiltration of the modern troubled mind.
What followed was a stampede within every Michaels® Craft Store across suburbia as the enlightened (read: Oprah audience) raced to obtain supplies to create their vision boards and *manifest* their dreams. Magazine photos of skinny women in bikinis, shiny red convertibles, and beachfront mansions wouldn’t be enough. These visions needed to be anchored by the most profound written words…in fun fonts, dammit!
We quickly outgrew the private practice of manifestation. Some brave soul decided that our hopes and dreams need not be confined to poster board or, if you were serious, shellacked canvases tucked away in the closet to be clandestinely worshipped. Affirmations crept into the home decor space. I need not say more on the global pervasiveness of “Live, Laugh, Love” or how “Keep Calm and Carry On” changed the way we adorned the college dorm room. The urge to express ourselves outwardly could not be quelled.
Of course the internet became the mother of all vision boards, built for us to use our inspirational blather as wet bandaids against the bullies and the trolls and the conspiracy theorists and the racists and the humanitarian disasters with which we are constantly bombarded. The bad stuff is overwhelming and we were never equipped to handle it in the first place, so we take a deep breath, slap a “Throw Kindness Like Confetti” sticker onto our laptop and log off for a few minutes.
Back to Ellen DeGeneres quickly. She signed off hundreds of her daytime talk show episodes by saying, “Be kind to one another.” AND YET, she still found a way to *manifest* a scandalous fall from grace last year for being exposed as….not very nice! If still compelled to contribute to her half billion dollar wealth, you can purchase a $55 hoodie screen printed with her soiled catchphrase here.
This is not a takedown of kindness as a practice. I have it in my own personal rotation of virtues (next to pettiness, criticism, helpfulness, and acute apathy). But let me exercise it on my own terms, privately, instead of being strong-armed into it because it makes someone else feel more actualized.
I’ll still buy the watered down cold brew, I promise.
"be kind" says starbucks corporate as they try to figure out a way to reduce barista hours below the minimums required to provide health insurance.